y’all getting really specific like “where are all the indie boys with messy shoulder length brown hair and blue eyes who are between 6’ and 6’4 whose favourite vampire weekend album is contra but knows mvotc is their best album and drinks their coffee black with 3.2 sugars and smokes cheap cigarettes on a balcony at 2:23 am” like….. chill

They dont exist,
You get it almost fucking perfect-
Then they are either an illusion or they change.

he knows things, he reads, he listens to acoustic/thrash punk; but also the softer things. Much softer- like piano or jazz, but theres nothing he loves more than the sound of falling rain. He drinks a shit ton of coffee, and you bet your ass those cigarettes are cheap. His eyes- theyre so tired looking around the edges but bright and aspiring, and he squints when he smiles because its usually always a full smile. He always has some sort of facial hair, he doesnt work out but his body to you is better than no other, he could be completely covered in dirt and you would still jump his bones. And of all things hes the one thing that made you go FUCK INDY I like it this way better, and hes all “what in the fuq is vampire weekend, listen to this underground shit” and he blows your mind with it. He laughes aloud and prides you in public - not as a possession, but like you’re the only two people around, or as if everyone else is frozen in time, so youre always kissing..flirting.. He treats you like you’re actually his best friend, you both feel as if you’ve climbed in and out of each others souls so many times you’re about to start wearing holes in your exteriors. His smell is intoxicating to you and sometimes when you hold eachother so close in your little apartment with no heat, you feel as if you are two puzzle pieces come together, two supports to lift the weight from the day. He treats you like his little princess, you understand eachother and feel certain that love has taken you out of the miserable world, as if someone had put a big instagram filter on everything and you feel for once like being alone is a thing of the past. Completed, happy-

Then you just wake up one day and hes either gone, screaming at you,
Or seeing someone else. And you look at your bed and say.
"Im sorry, you were right. Wanna cuddle?"

What am I doing?
Im crying.
Im crying really fucking hard.
Because not only do I feel
completely unwanted,
And in pain.
Nothing soothes it anymore,
Nothing takes it away,
Nothing even holds it up in a hallway to
Overwhelm it with events from one’s day.
Even the internet has become a trigger,
Of anger and pigheaded sherades
And backwards morals,
Can it just stop?
So that I may have a moment,
Just one moment where I didnt feel panic,
And above all,
fucking guilty.
Because theres people dying.
People die every day.
That werent ready, and god..
If youre there,
Fix them
Take me
Or just give me a moment,
One moment where even though im well, all over,
It doesn’t hurt to breathe,
It doesnt feel so hard to exist.


I swear people can’t wait to get their wisdom teeth out just so they have an excuse to record themselves saying dumb shit that they planned ahead of time for notes